Hirako and Hirako no. 2"What the..."

Hirako opened the door to see a large basket placed on the ground before him. It was common for people (specifically unprepared young mothers) to leave their babies at the doorstep of the Visored Daycare. What was not common, though, was receiving a baby that looked exactly, and I mean exactly, like the full-time daycare worker who now stood dumbly at the entrance, jaw slacked.

Eyes comically large, Hirako stared down at his mini doppelganger. And the equally blonde and pissy-looking baby stared back up at him.

"Gah."

"Gah..."

"Auuuwa."

"Ahhwaaah" Hirako stumbled back in shock, nearly knocking down a shelf. As he righted it with shaking hands, his brain scrambled to find an answer to this absurdity.

Was it... was it his No, can't be Hirako didn't partake in— ahem— those activities anymore, not since his college days, which were close to a decade ago.

Was is just a coincidence then That also seemed unlikely. The chubby thing wrapped in an oversized blue romper looked as if it was a shrunken down, copy paste version of Hirako. Same hair even, just with an orange hair tie bunching some strands up.

Just as Hirako was about to bash his head against the wall in an attempt to check whether it was all a hallucination conjured up by his exhausted mind, Hachi, the owner of the Daycare, came over.

"Is there anything wrong"

"Th-th-th-the..." Hirako pointed at the basket, shaking. When the baby let out another noise ("bwah"), he yelped shrilly.

"Bwah"

Confused, Hachi moved past a blood-drained Hirako and picked the basket up. He peered into it.

"You're kidding... He looks just like you."

"'Just like me' my ass That is me Me... me Exactly me There's no difference Zero, zilch, nada" Hirako screeched.

When Hachi carried the baby out of the basket, Hirako didn't dare look. If he did, he'd probably explode and cease to exist. The universe couldn't handle two Hirakos. So obviously, the older, more deadbeat one would be removed, right Then the younger one would take his place forever

That was Hirako's strange logic as he struggled to grapple with the reality he was unfortunately living in.

At the commotion, his coworkers joined, a puddle of toddlers trailing behind them. Lisa, Rose, Love and Kensei took in Hirako's bizarre state, then scrutinized the baby in Hachi's hands.

"Oh Is he yours"

"Ah How interesting. The resemblance is seriously uncanny."

"The heck, this is totally straight out of a gag manga."

"Unbelievable..."

Because of the young children's curiosity and incessant need for attention, three of the workers went away as quickly as they came, leaving only Lisa, Hirako and Hachi.

Lisa quirked an eyebrow up. "Did you have unprotected sex with a fling or something You shouldn't have told them where you work, are you stupid"

"No I did not To both of those questions" Hirako shouted. "And yer way too vulgar Stop that This is a daycare There're kids here, damn it"

"There's nothing dirty about sex so why can't I—"

"Shut We're supposed to focus on that thing right now"

"And that thing definitely popped out from someone who bred your semen for 9 months—"

"Can ya stop bein' a perv for—"

Hachi stepped in between the two daycare workers, his large hands separating them.

"Hey, let's stop arguing, okay We'll just chalk it up to coincidence for now. Something like that is definitely possible. The world is so big, after all."

With a begrudging sigh, Hirako relented and stopped bickering with Lisa. He was a grown man. He wasn't going to let someone like her get on his nerves.

And similarly, Lisa let the argument slide... for now. She gave the baby another glance before silently strolling off to attend to the other kids.

Hirako watched her go, momentarily relieved. Until he turned his attention back to the baby, whose eyes were locked onto him the entire time, and his anxiety shot back up again.

Suddenly, the baby lifted its arms towards Hirako.

"Waaa… uwaaa…"

"Looks like he wants to go to you." Hachi said, handing the baby over to Hirako.

“Yeah, no shit”

Hirako took the baby. The way he did it, someone might mistake him for holding a radioactive, over-sized cockroach rather than a precious human form. His fingers dug slightly into the cloth, clasping hard enough that it wouldn’t slip through, but it wasn’t a firm, stable grip either. The baby immediately relaxed with an “ooh”, releasing all its weight, and Hirako almost dropped it.

“What’re we going to do with him…” Hachi mumbled, scratching his chin.

Bang The door to the daycare was kicked open. Everyone startled, including the baby. But it didn’t cry or anything and just stared wide-eyed at Hirako.

Standing there at the door was Hiyori, Hirako’s neighbour (by definition, they were ‘friends’, although the two refused to call it as such) and her schoolmate Mashiro. They frequently visited the daycare after school because the person they were closest to worked there. Though Mashiro and Kensei, they had a sort of complicated relationship that no one could explain well.

“What’s that” Mashiro asked. “It looks just like you, Shinji What’s its name Where’s it from”

A loud voice boomed from inside. “Pipe down You’re so damn noisy”

While Mashiro responded swiftly to the baby situation, Hiyori took one, two, three…

“What in the world is that Th-that’s ya Yer baldy ass But… but like… real small” She shrieked, taking a wobbly step back to prevent herself from tumbling over in disbelief. Her finger jutted towards the baby as if it committed the worst crime in the world. In this case, by looking like Hirako.

Was it just Hiyori’s imagination, or did the baby scowl at her Hirako also caught on and hid a chuckle with his fist before responding.

“Gee, thanks for pointin’ out the obvious.”

Mashiro pushed Hiyori aside to peer at the baby up close, pouting and pulling faces. “I wanna hold it I wanna, I wanna I wanna hold Chomage-tan Mage-tan, Chomage”

“Hah Ya already gave it a name It’s not even a top knot, for yer information” Hirako instinctively held the baby up high so that Mashiro wouldn’t touch it. Not that he cared Not at all. He just didn’t want it to be subjected to that hyperactive bomb. That would be torture, and he didn’t torture kids.

Huffing, Hirako lightly flicked the tuff of blonde hair sticking out the baby’s head. “It’s a super stylish ponytail.”

“Uhhn.”

“There, see Even it agrees.”

Before Mashiro could spout something stupid, Kensei came out of nowhere to drag her away. The air was clamorous with his nagging and Mashiro’s endless whining. Slowly, it faded into the background and was soft enough to ignore.

“So, who will you take care of Mage-tan” Hachi steered the conversation back on track. Times like this, Hachi wondered to himself if he was the only adult in this daycare. He secretly let out a sigh. Maybe he should increase his standards when hiring.

Hirako flinched in surprise at Hachi’s acceptance to the name. “Why’re ya callin’ it that too I’m sure it has a name, and one that’s not as shitty as that Probably stuffed in the basket somewhere…” He bent down, rummaging through the basket for anything like a card with more information about the baby. But there was nothing.

How strange, Hirako thought as he continued to search. He fanned the blanket out and flipped the basket over. Still nothing.
Usually, a baby this old (around four months) would already have a name, since their birth mother would be attached to them by then, unlike a newborn. And judging by the baby's plumpness—Hirako poked its cheek— , it had been well cared for too. So why wasn’t there one Did the mother just not want to share

Nothing about allergies, sickness, or notable concerns. There was just a basket, a blanket, and a baby that looked frighteningly like him.

“Obviously, the baldy should take the baldy baby.” Hiyori sniffed.

“Wha Since when”

“I hate to put more on your plate, but Mage-tan seems to like you the most…” Hachi prodded not-so-subtly.

God, the pressure was seriously building up now. They were putting him on the spot Eyes seared him expectantly. With a click of his tongue, Hirako glimpsed down at the baby, who had the same grouchy and annoyed expression that he was sure was crossing his own face right now.

“Ugh… I’ll take the damn baby, alright”

In an instant, Hachi brightened and clasped his hands together. “That’s good Don’t worry about whatever you need, I’ll give them all to you for free, if I have extra. Let me check…” Then Hachi scurried off to do exactly that.

After a few moments of awkward silence, Hiyori scoffed. Hirako shot her a glare, but that did nothing to stop her from spitting out a mocking tease.

“Yer gunna have an extra pain in the ass from now on~”

“Shut up.”

~

As Hirako was walking home, ‘Mage-tan’ snug in front of his chest in a carrier and his hands full of baby items, he contemplated all the decisions in his life that led up to this moment.

This was karma, wasn’t it Hirako was being such an asshole lately that the Gods cursed him with himself. Talk about a taste of your own medicine He grinded his teeth and resisted the urge to spit on the ground. Damn it

The midget behind him wasn’t helping either. Whenever a passer-by commented on Hirako’s similarity with the baby, Hiyori would burst out into uncontrollable laughter.

Although, she would get knocked down a peg when they would follow it up with “you’re such a great dad to your children”.

“For the last time, I’m not a damn kid And I ain’t related to this baldy” Hiyori yelled after an elderly woman living a few doors away.

Hirako didn’t have the energy to clap a hand over her mouth like he usually did. That day already sucked all the life and energy out of him. So he could only groan as he fumbled with his keys and shoved the door to his apartment open, completely ignoring Hiyori’s bluster.

“See ya.”

The door swang close with a click. Stepping further in, Hirako pressed a switch, lighting up his dark apartment to reveal a cluttered mess. Shelves overflowed with books and magazines, stacks of vinyls crowded the ground, and his clothes were strewn all over. What a sight…

“Welcome home, I guess.” Hirako didn’t know why he bothered talking to Mage-tan, but it just felt right, even if it made him feel stupid.

Mage-tan swivelled his head around as if to take in the environment, then frowned.

“Uuu…”

“Ugh indeed.” Hirako muttered, dropping the bags. “I have to clean this place…”