Last Alive Feeling (Livingstill x Tobei)He’s up past midnight again. Tobei can hear him tinkering away.

The shorter scientist glazes over the clock. It’s four in the morning, and his buffoon of a lab partner is still awake. How awake He doesn’t know for sure, but that isn’t going to stop Doc Tobei from dragging him.

He gets up from the bed, careful not to trip over his fellow scientist’s paperwork. The scent of burnt chemicals is forever lingering. A dim light is on in another room, revealing Livingstill’s presence.

“Doctor.”

He doesn’t answer Tobei’s call.

“Doctor, it’s way too late for you to be up doing this,” Tobei shuffles over and tugs Dr. Livingstill’s lab coat. “Go to bed.”

“Five more minutes,” his voice is incredibly groggy.

“Doctor, you need sleep. No amount of caffeine can hide your exhaustion from me.”

Livingstill ignores him and Tobei sighs, seeing no other choice but to pull up a stepping stool, normally used for the desk, just to reach his partner. He doesn’t try to forcibly remove Livingstill or anything like that. Instead, Tobei opts to gently hug him from behind.

“Bed, now. Your work isn’t going to disappear on you.”

“There’s always a chance it could.”

“Lock it up in your desk drawer, you old goat.”

The exhaustion is catching up, but Dr. Livingstill tries to fight Tobei’s grasp.

“I’m close to finishing, just give me a bit longer.”

Doc Tobei grumbles.

“You know, Livingstill, you should be as good at going to bed as you are in bed.”
Heat rises through the doctor’s face, it cannot be hidden from the shorter scientist. That sort of surprising comment always got his attention.

“Fine, you win, old friend.” He succumbs to the hug, turning around to sweep Tobei up from the stepping stool. “I just hope you know that one day, you’ll have to give up on trying to fix me.”

He returns to the bedroom with Tobei and collapses, not even bothering to remove his lab coat. Dr. Livingstill merely lies there next to him, quickly drifting off next to the comfort of his smaller partner.

_________________________

He followed his word. Tobei had given up trying to fix Livingstill.

And now he was gone forever.

It was a sad feeling. A feeling where Doc Tobei wishes the good aspects of their partnership could last forever, but the reality is that it was doomed to crumble no matter what.

Dr. Livingstill was a twisted monster, a man who could never move on, and nothing he did could ever change that. No amount of kindness, nothing could fix him. Tobei could love him as much as he humanly could, but sometimes, love cannot repair something fundamentally broken.

So it was best to move on.

“Do you hate me for what I’ve done to you and so many others”

The voice is echoing in his head, almost as if a spirit followed Tobei like a shadow.

“No,” Tobei sighs. “I will simply remember the good parts of the times we had, while the rest of the world sees you as the monster you were.”

“Why won’t you hate me You know history will repeat if I was left to live.”

“That is your decision to make, to be hated, not my own. You would love for things to keep going until the world hates you, wouldn’t you”

It’s something that Dr. Livingstill cannot fathom. He could never handle the idea of being loved unconditionally or ever stop what he was doing. He thought everyone close to him was after something, therefore he must act upon it.

“How are the General and the priest” Tobei inquires.

“Feeling like a failure to his name and regretting what he had worshipped respectively.”

“Matsu’s girlfriend has moved on, she’s met a nice man claiming to be the strongest.” Tobei hums. “Just like how I too have moved on from you and met someone new.”

A hiss escapes Dr. Livingstill.

“What are they like”

He can hear the jealousy in his voice, it makes Doc Tobei chuckle.

“Well, he doesn’t go juicing people in an attempt to get them to stay with him for an eternity. He and I both know when things must grow and move on.”

“Then why are you still talking to me”

…

“I suppose a part of me still has a fondness, that can’t be helped, now can it” Tobei taps his bear staff against the ground, staring at the wreckage where the Odeo Temple once was. “Of course, you’re right. I’ll stop acknowledging it then.”

He knows he shouldn’t acknowledge something that isn’t there anyway.

“Tobei Tobei, wait”

No matter how much that old thing calls out to him, wanting him back.

The healthy thing to do was to move forward.

_________________________

Dr. Livingstill will never understand where he went wrong.

He hates being condemned. He cannot stand it. Out of the three of them, he did the most damage and paid for it.

Not in being burned, but in being left behind, even by his own cohorts. The priest wanted nothing more to do with him upon realizing he had sacrificed to a demon, feeling that he had been used, knowing that he should atone rather than blame anyone else for his ignorance.

Yamazaki is stuck cursing Matsui forever and ever, never getting the satisfaction of a victory, and left to regret how he ignored the one person who cared about him. He too, cannot let go, but he will not stoop to Livingstill’s level.

All Dr. Livingstill can think about is Tobei, Tadashi, and Kozo. All of his precious cohorts who he tried to keep close to him, were gone forever.

The warmth from Tobei’s arms around his waist still lingers…

Oh.

His eyes feel hot and he can’t see. Dr. Livingstill hadn’t felt like this in forever.

Why Why was he feeling this way He was not the kind of man to cry Livingstill was detached, withdrawn from the rest of people’s emotions
He wanted to go back He wanted to grab Tobei and squeeze his throat, tell the other doctor how he really felt Make the shorter scientist join him in this personal hell

Dr. Livingstill could never apologize. He could never see himself as wrong. His only mistake was trusting those other two with his project

Is his family proud of him Do they know what sort of monster they unleashed upon the world Or have they too also forgotten and moved on

“Tobei, you didn’t really find someone better than me, did you Someone who makes you happier than I did”

His voice is choked, he asks the abyss, but there’s no answer.

“Please, just say you still…”

He trails off into a sob.

There is no answer and there never will be, because the rest of the world had moved on and forgotten about the wicked scientist that killed two-thousand people in the name of evolution.

Instead, the beloved lives lost would be the ones who are remembered.