Eleven He felt what pain and suffering since he was 11. His expectations on himself looked higher, not one person felt what his pain is like when he was just a kid who played games and chasing around the butterflies, yet deep inside he was slowly breaking inside.

He rose to the average ground competing with everyone he just want to make his parents proud and all he did to do well. He changed nothing, he hated it all, he hate this school, he hate the walls, he hate everyone yet he hated himself.

No one liked him, he had  some friends yet they don't know him, he was only 11 and he knew nothing. All he knew that he was dying inside, what's the problem Why is he sad Why is he like this Why does he hate himself  Asked the 11 year old.

In his closet he held close to himself. "Another C, another D and another F" no matter how much he brought himself to truly embrace his failures but he hated it all. At only 11 he felt what disappointment is, at 11 he felt what abandonment is, at 11 he felt what loneliness is. No adult nor kid will understand his pain. Just a happy kid not knowing society yet society have gave him pain.

He became a liar, a dirty useless liar, was he a bad kid To him he will say yes but for his outward pride he would say no. He's proud for the things he'd did wrong and he's proud for ruining his parent's marriage.

11 was when he realised his life came crashing down. 11 was when he learned how to cut himself. 11 was when he was out casted by everyone.

The 18 year old thinks, how cruel this brain can torture the mind of an 11 year old boy. He asked for help and no one helped the 11 year old boy.

It has then revealed to him that his mother knew. This entire time, through his suffering, through his scars and through his hidden tears, his mother knew the entire time.

The 18 year old and his inner 11 year old self came crumbling down "why didn't you help me" "why didn't you reassure me" "why didn't you love me" When he needed love the most she hid it to herself.

Why was the 11 year old boy left to suffer for so long Why did no one help when all he needed the most is validation

At 18 he seeks validation, to be acknowledged. He wanted to be something to someone, he wanted to be accepted. Deep down inside he wants to untangle his deep pursue of validation and reach his expectations but he grew tired. It gets exhausting. Like a fish slowly drowning from the oils above the sea, he too wanted to drown.

Until he rebirthed himself as the sea and saw the moon.