My love letter to deathI pour out my pills, 6 left. I do not care if I get sedated or killed, it's all over, I am so empty and tired. Who am I and what am I, it doesn't matter anymore. How people think of me, a fool, a jester, an idiot, it all makes me laugh. I simply do not care anymore if I live or die or make myself looking absolutely disgusting. In the end, it shouldn't matter.

Death doesn't care and death does not make you pretty. The idolization of the death aesthetic is super rotten, we're all just rotten beings dying to simply cease to exist. Haha Huzzah and hooray Cheer for me because I simply yearn the feeling of death but god I'm picky. I'm willing to repent all my sins but don't give me a tragic accident or a horrifying heart attack. I'd love to be psinless. Dying peacefully as I sleep like inhaling smoke as I sleep. Poison in my veins. Make me feel clouds as I go.

Jumping off, burning myself, bleeding out and drowning. All of these are painful. I want to do strive for so much, chase for the stars and do what God intended me to do which is my best so I shall die and shatter it all. I am simply not build to shine and I'm made to be bruised.

Everyone around me are so brave and suffer more than me yet I feel defeated over the smallest things, I am nothing but mud amongst the wet dirt. Disgusting, awful and petrifying. The more I degrade myself, the more it drives me to a wall and splatter desire to a wall. Where I shall lie dead.

In conclusion, I yearn the feel of death yet fear the price of it